Not sure there is ever a 'ready' moment for perimenopause - I certainly identify with the brutal blindsiding of the you who you believed yourself to be, suddenly AWOL for the foreseeable.
7 years in I'm celebrating the freedoms of this next phase, loving the wisdom and the doors that have opened in unexpected directions. Maybe it is about holding two things at the same time, the grief of the loss of one you but also the amazingness of your next chapter in all its magnificent hagitude!
Esther, thanks so much for your reflections from just a bit further along the journey than me. I've been thinking so much about that concept of holding two things at once in relation to this transitional time, and so completely vibe with what you're saying. I definitely hope for more if the 'renewal' and less of the 'degeneration, and have been so bolstered (as I know many people who have come to these discussions have!) by the sense of solidarity and community around a topic we really just need to be talking about more.
I had to put Victoria Smith's book down, there were barely concealed transphobic undertones in her support of JK Rowling's ("she's just talking about biology") hate filled ramblings.
Yeah it's disappointing, it undoes all her arguments about middle aged women being treated with disdain both by men and younger feminists. It's an important argument to make, but when it's grounded in gripes about being criticised for excluding a whole group of women from the protection and liberation that feminism seeks, it's a moot point. I don't know that many people know this but JK Rowling has a fund for refuge and VAWG services but in order to be eligible for it you have to have a trans exclusive policy, in a landscape of horrific cuts to women's services it's a form of financial coercion in itself. I just don't understand why people want to stand by her for that.
I probably commented originally but have lots to say on this. I was breast feeding when I went into peri menopause and the doctors response was interesting… 🤨
I've found this piece! And it's great - I love 'hagolescence' as a concept, I've been trying to embrace the idea of the Perimenopause Portal from one stage to the next - similar idea, the transition to something...else, something better? But when? WHEN?? I'm probably in the normal-ish age range for this at 46 but I am fairly evangelical about HRT - so if you want to chat about it anytime you know where I am :)
I am here for this chat, Julianne, and LOVE the concept of the portal. So much more inviting and full of latent possibility than what we've been told to envisage. I think that the Japanese do peri really well, and their language reflects this. The root of the word they use for this transition is FAR better: konenki is what they call menopause transition, which when broken down ko means “renewal and regeneration,” nen means “year” or “years,” and ki means “season” or “energy.”
Hi Lindsay, thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts in this essay - it's much needed! I think I've heard more about what women are going through in this phase of life on Substack than anywhere else, really. And the link you shared - about the connection between childhood trauma and early perimenopause, well, that's the first I've actually seen a study referenced about that. It confirms what I've suspected for some time.
I had a pretty traumatic upbringing with a mother who suffered from schizoaffective disorder. And also fell into a couple of abusive relationships in my early teens/twenties. To say my stress response was stuck in the "on" position is putting it mildly.
I started menses at 9 yrs old. Struggled with painful, heavy periods my whole life. Had my first child at 17. Developed ovarian cysts, and lost my first ovary (due to a twisted fallopian tube adhered to the side of my uterus with scar tissue - which was most likely undiagnosed endometriosis) at 21. Years of dyspareunia followed, as well as pre-cancerous cells on my cervix, but I was fortunate to have a second child at 26. By the time I was 28 I was fighting those 'hormonal rages' and started treatment for fibromyalgia and adrenal fatigue. Then, I lost my last ovary at 34 due to a grapefruit sized cyst with an endometrioma that was originally thought to be cancerous. Luckily it was not.
Thus began my experiences with instant, surgically induced menopause, personality changes, skin changes, weight gain, and the mental anguish of knowing I could no longer have kids. As you can imagine, my hormones were a wreck during those years (and I still struggle with symptoms). Sometimes it feels like my body was at war. And I'm exhausted.
I'm 43 now - and so much has changed.
I learned after it was too late that stress and trauma completely disrupted my endocrine system, which most likely caused the cysts and endometriosis. Yet, doctors couldn't even tell me this - or that I had endometriosis until I lost my last ovary at 34. I still cannot understand how our medical systems can be so dense!!! Instead they prefer to push more hormones. Anytime I was struggling when I was younger I was told to take birth control - but how is that helpful to take more estrogen when my body was already estrogen dominant? And now the push is HRT.
I think we need more women who are willing to share their stories, more doctors willing to look for alternative therapies, and a better overall understanding of the changes we go through - and how our external environments contribute to that. (That's why I spent nearly a decade studying healthy home design). I wish we could find better answers and support systems, as Perimenopause and menopause seem to be happening earlier and earlier to women across the globe!
What I mostly wasn't prepared for was the emotional grief I went through - how losing my fertility started to change my identity and feelings of worth. My marriage struggled, too. I won't go into detail, but I know part of it was because he wasn't ready to stop having children. And now, it seems everywhere I turn women are getting divorced in their 40's.
I find it difficult to embrace the 'second half of life' mindset sometimes, when it often feels like we lose our value as we age. I'm working on that perspective, believe me! And books like Sharon Blackie's Hagitude help, as do open conversations like this.
I do have hope, though - as each year gets a bit easier. Especially now that my youngest child is ascending into adulthood. There's a bit more room to breathe, and time to explore, as I learn who I'm becoming. Writing certainly helps! Eating well, adequate sleep, and a slower pace of living, do too. Unfortunately, however - I had to give up coffee!! :(
Darcey, I am so sorry I'm only seeing this reply now and you took so long to share your experience. Thank you so much, and I am so sorry that you had (are having still?) a hard time with everything. It sounds like you have been through the wringer, friend. And you're completely right - this is the space in which I'm finding community around this whole topic, and the floodgates have well and truly opened. Let's keep the conversation going, and share what's working, too.
No worries Lindsay - I didn’t even realize how long of a reply this was. May have overshared my experience a bit too much! 😬
Things that help with these health issues and the mid-life transition:
• Consistent self-care is essential - I’ve had to learn to prioritize my own needs before others. (Not easy for someone who is wired to be a giver and peacekeeper.)
• SLEEP - at least 7 hrs/night (naps are good, too!)
• Limit caffeine and sugar
• Eat more foods grown in the earth
• Laugh as much as possible
• Socialize regularly (but still have solo dates with self, too)
Oh, and I hear you loud and clear on point one. I have just taken myself plus my noise cancelling headphones into the living room and shut the door on the whole family to get some work done!😘
I like revisiting my angst and rage as a 51 year old much more than I did beginning at 12. The other physical symptoms of perimenopause suck in a worse way than the onset of puberty, however- at least for me. HRT, eating decent food, not watching the news every day and getting in some exercise helps. But I appreciate my punk, heavy metal, goth, new wave artists I discovered back then so much more now- I understand rage, irony, sadness, etc in the lyrics and music. My hagolescence has given me new joy in older music, and more insight into treasure.
This, exactly! Jen, I am listening to early 90s music pretty much exclusively at the moment and LOVING it. I make zero apologies for it, and agree that the lyrics have a potency that I could never have understood at 12!
The part about mothers nursing then straight into the midst of it got me teary eyed. This is me. Year 4 and I’m 41 with 4 and 6 year olds. Formal diagnosis and everything. The ultrasound technician told me I had just been in her room a year prior. I asked why? I knew the place looked familiar. “Irregular periods, so at least that’s consistent.” The peri-blind-rage I experience with my toddlers - and HAVE BEEN experiencing for the entirety of my son’s little life- breaks my heart to pieces. They don’t deserve this mom. Not yet anyway. And yet I know that on the other side there is a power there. I’m just not ready for it. So thank you, it’s really supportive to read someone else’s take on it.
Oh Cara. I'm so sorry I'm only seeing this now! And yes, it's absolutely heartbreaking, isn't it. I'm also saddened to hear your experience and can completely relate to the emotional rollercoaster and the need to get off. Let's keep talking, and take good care of yourself.
Lindsay, I loved listening to this. I am well on to the other side, in fact six years past that magic date of the last period. I am struggling to be honest. What I am absolutely over the moon about (pardon the pun) is the conversations going on - here and elsewhere - it is fabulous. I am excited that my three daughters - all in their 30s - have the forum and associated information for their preparation into this life phase. I am sorry it has been tough for you. I did not know about peri-menopause. I guess I was just 'waiting for menopause', and not ready for what was to come. I had a physically easy time in the years leading up to my last period. But, as it has been throughout my whole menstruating life, anxiety, depression, mood swings, collapsing memory, irritability, low sense of self, was all off the scale. And continues to be. About a year ago I started noticing other physical changes - the oestrogen well is now officially empty! My GP has just agreed to MHT. Let's see.
Keep your conversation going please - it is an honest, true, relatable and well told story for many. Sending it on to my girls right now. Very thankful to be learning at last, at nearly 61, I am ready to fly with Hagitude.
Delighted that we are able to name and discuss this life stage, but sad for you that it wasn't possible during your perimenopause, Maurni. I know we've come a long way in recent times, but also think there's far to go. SO glad that conversations like this will serve your daughters, who might be better quipped with the knowledge to understand what's happening to their changing bodies. Delighted for you that you're ready to step into the next phase and 'fly with hagitude,' but it sounds like it's still posing challenges that also deserve some airtime.
I just turned 40, and I, too, am a raging hagolescent. I love that I now have a word that's so, so much better than "perimenopause" for what this feels like.
I am feeling this so much right now! As I stood in my backyard and hurled walnuts at the fence in a complete blind rage I succumbed to the fact that this was not my normal. When I explained to friends, my tantrum that included throwing a freshly made cup of coffee on the ground and stomping my feet, they laughed heartily, the full belly, snorting kind of laugh. I stared back terrified. I’m known for being calm and level headed. Where is this rage coming from? What is happening?! At 38 I’ve been experiencing peri-menopause for several years and I feel like an unwilling subject who is deemed the first of my friends to trudge this path. Thank you for talking about your experience Lindsay. I laughed and cringed my way through reading your familiar thoughts. If you continue to share your experience I’ll be here reading along! So so relatable.
Oh, Ashley. I'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time of it right now. Honestly, it's absolutely grim. The rage is real. I know exactly what you mean when you say you don't want your little ones to be on the receiving end of it; and that your rage is coupled with their tantrums feels wrong, doesn't it? Sending strength, and let's keep talking please.
Hagolescence is brilliant! Sorry it’s happening early for you and yes mine came on the heels of nursing my own infant-then-toddler but then again I gave birth finally at 41 so that was inevitable. Like I said in the last round of writing sessions with you, peri menopause and potty-training are likely never meant to happen under one roof simultaneously (we were both having tantrums!) But I love love love that you were pulled together carve that moment for yourself by the water and yes we damn we’ll need to be talking a lot more about what we are going through! It’s why I began my documentary photography project Womb (https;//womb.blog) which I had to put on hold during my MA pursuit and then moving myself, my newly-minted teen and our dawg across the country. I’m about to revive it because it’s ongoing since 2017. I began an offshoot project under the bigger Womb umbrella called Change wheee I documented women entering peri- and experiencing menopause and sharing their own experiences of it. I even included some audio interviews for that project (also ongoing!) Please check it out whenever you feel inclined: https://nancyforde.com/change. It’s a time of life when we all might begin to feel invisible (which has its myriad benefits and disadvantages.) But at least we can be seen by each other which is why I did formal portrait sessions with the women I began interviewing. Aiming to pick up the thread of this doc project, too. Hope it helps anyone listening not to feel so alone in it all (or invisible,) Thank you thank you thank you for talking about it so openly! And I love both ‘Hagitude’ and ‘Hagolescense’ (brill!) Also: as a photographer, I wish I had taken that cracking photo of you! Couldn’t help cackling at the sight of it! 😂😅
I was so happy when I rediscovered that pic in my google photos too, Nancy! It was exactly what I needed! I am so excited to delve into both Womb and Change - what a wonderful thing it is that you began these explorations, and may have an opportunity to return to them. I completely agree that it's a time we may well become less visible, and yet so many of us feel we are stepping into our creative power... there's a lot to square there because I feel part of that wants to be seen. SO much to talk further on, Nancy! I'll see you this very evening!
I love your word Hadolescence ❤️ I'm about 5 years into perimenopause and funnily enough just writing about it myself. I've noticed with a mixture of horror and curiosity as various symptoms have come and gone. Some days I don't recognise myself. The saviour for me has been slowing down, becoming a hermit and resting a lot. A regulated nervous system seems to calm most symptoms. But I'm aware that this is an enormous challenge for those entering this stage while still parenting small children (or in relentlessly demanding jobs, or both). In many ways, our modern lives are so out of kilter with what our bodies are demanding (to go and live in a cave by the ocean for about 10 years!) Thanks for sharing so honestly here. We NEED these conversations!
Horror and curiosity is exactly it, VIcki. Thanks for articulating it so clearly. I really agree with you on a regulated nervous system. I had a bit of a jangly day yesterday for myriad reasons and could feel it in my cells. I haven't had a day like it for a while and though I'm calmer today, I feel the legacy of it. So glad I understand myself enough to see these as fleeting times, though. Would love to know more on your observations on your own peri experience. You're so right that we need to talk more.
Love this post, I was thrown into medically induced menopause at 45 with chemo treatment, which was horrific, I ended up on sleeping tablets as I woke 20 times a night with night sweats and was a walking zombie, 14 months later, when I was just getting used to no periods hurrah, they bloody ( pardon the pun) came back! Now at 50 on HRT to stop said heat flashes that made me feel sick they were so intense, and my periods were really heavy and all over the place. It’s just great being a woman isn’t it! I would say HRT helps tho so if you can get on it, I’d definitely recommend it to just dampen the severity of everything and feel a bit more normal! Good luck! And as for teenagers opinions - Teflon shoulders required I’m afraid! (16 & 18 in my house!) xx
Hey Juliet, I'm so sorry that you had that experience, but happy to hear that HRT has been helpful for you in taking the edge off. Still, that's a long old slog you've been through. And yes those teens, as lovely as they are, are our harshest critics! Solidarity, friend! x
Not sure there is ever a 'ready' moment for perimenopause - I certainly identify with the brutal blindsiding of the you who you believed yourself to be, suddenly AWOL for the foreseeable.
7 years in I'm celebrating the freedoms of this next phase, loving the wisdom and the doors that have opened in unexpected directions. Maybe it is about holding two things at the same time, the grief of the loss of one you but also the amazingness of your next chapter in all its magnificent hagitude!
Esther, thanks so much for your reflections from just a bit further along the journey than me. I've been thinking so much about that concept of holding two things at once in relation to this transitional time, and so completely vibe with what you're saying. I definitely hope for more if the 'renewal' and less of the 'degeneration, and have been so bolstered (as I know many people who have come to these discussions have!) by the sense of solidarity and community around a topic we really just need to be talking about more.
I had to put Victoria Smith's book down, there were barely concealed transphobic undertones in her support of JK Rowling's ("she's just talking about biology") hate filled ramblings.
I haven’t actually read it, Leah, but was given it as a tongue-in-cheek (I think!) 40th birthday present. Good to know!
Yeah it's disappointing, it undoes all her arguments about middle aged women being treated with disdain both by men and younger feminists. It's an important argument to make, but when it's grounded in gripes about being criticised for excluding a whole group of women from the protection and liberation that feminism seeks, it's a moot point. I don't know that many people know this but JK Rowling has a fund for refuge and VAWG services but in order to be eligible for it you have to have a trans exclusive policy, in a landscape of horrific cuts to women's services it's a form of financial coercion in itself. I just don't understand why people want to stand by her for that.
I probably commented originally but have lots to say on this. I was breast feeding when I went into peri menopause and the doctors response was interesting… 🤨
WE NEED TO TALK
Booking in aren’t I?! ✨✨
I'll send you a calendly...
I've found this piece! And it's great - I love 'hagolescence' as a concept, I've been trying to embrace the idea of the Perimenopause Portal from one stage to the next - similar idea, the transition to something...else, something better? But when? WHEN?? I'm probably in the normal-ish age range for this at 46 but I am fairly evangelical about HRT - so if you want to chat about it anytime you know where I am :)
I am here for this chat, Julianne, and LOVE the concept of the portal. So much more inviting and full of latent possibility than what we've been told to envisage. I think that the Japanese do peri really well, and their language reflects this. The root of the word they use for this transition is FAR better: konenki is what they call menopause transition, which when broken down ko means “renewal and regeneration,” nen means “year” or “years,” and ki means “season” or “energy.”
Hi Lindsay, thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts in this essay - it's much needed! I think I've heard more about what women are going through in this phase of life on Substack than anywhere else, really. And the link you shared - about the connection between childhood trauma and early perimenopause, well, that's the first I've actually seen a study referenced about that. It confirms what I've suspected for some time.
I had a pretty traumatic upbringing with a mother who suffered from schizoaffective disorder. And also fell into a couple of abusive relationships in my early teens/twenties. To say my stress response was stuck in the "on" position is putting it mildly.
I started menses at 9 yrs old. Struggled with painful, heavy periods my whole life. Had my first child at 17. Developed ovarian cysts, and lost my first ovary (due to a twisted fallopian tube adhered to the side of my uterus with scar tissue - which was most likely undiagnosed endometriosis) at 21. Years of dyspareunia followed, as well as pre-cancerous cells on my cervix, but I was fortunate to have a second child at 26. By the time I was 28 I was fighting those 'hormonal rages' and started treatment for fibromyalgia and adrenal fatigue. Then, I lost my last ovary at 34 due to a grapefruit sized cyst with an endometrioma that was originally thought to be cancerous. Luckily it was not.
Thus began my experiences with instant, surgically induced menopause, personality changes, skin changes, weight gain, and the mental anguish of knowing I could no longer have kids. As you can imagine, my hormones were a wreck during those years (and I still struggle with symptoms). Sometimes it feels like my body was at war. And I'm exhausted.
I'm 43 now - and so much has changed.
I learned after it was too late that stress and trauma completely disrupted my endocrine system, which most likely caused the cysts and endometriosis. Yet, doctors couldn't even tell me this - or that I had endometriosis until I lost my last ovary at 34. I still cannot understand how our medical systems can be so dense!!! Instead they prefer to push more hormones. Anytime I was struggling when I was younger I was told to take birth control - but how is that helpful to take more estrogen when my body was already estrogen dominant? And now the push is HRT.
I think we need more women who are willing to share their stories, more doctors willing to look for alternative therapies, and a better overall understanding of the changes we go through - and how our external environments contribute to that. (That's why I spent nearly a decade studying healthy home design). I wish we could find better answers and support systems, as Perimenopause and menopause seem to be happening earlier and earlier to women across the globe!
What I mostly wasn't prepared for was the emotional grief I went through - how losing my fertility started to change my identity and feelings of worth. My marriage struggled, too. I won't go into detail, but I know part of it was because he wasn't ready to stop having children. And now, it seems everywhere I turn women are getting divorced in their 40's.
I find it difficult to embrace the 'second half of life' mindset sometimes, when it often feels like we lose our value as we age. I'm working on that perspective, believe me! And books like Sharon Blackie's Hagitude help, as do open conversations like this.
I do have hope, though - as each year gets a bit easier. Especially now that my youngest child is ascending into adulthood. There's a bit more room to breathe, and time to explore, as I learn who I'm becoming. Writing certainly helps! Eating well, adequate sleep, and a slower pace of living, do too. Unfortunately, however - I had to give up coffee!! :(
Darcey, I am so sorry I'm only seeing this reply now and you took so long to share your experience. Thank you so much, and I am so sorry that you had (are having still?) a hard time with everything. It sounds like you have been through the wringer, friend. And you're completely right - this is the space in which I'm finding community around this whole topic, and the floodgates have well and truly opened. Let's keep the conversation going, and share what's working, too.
No worries Lindsay - I didn’t even realize how long of a reply this was. May have overshared my experience a bit too much! 😬
Things that help with these health issues and the mid-life transition:
• Consistent self-care is essential - I’ve had to learn to prioritize my own needs before others. (Not easy for someone who is wired to be a giver and peacekeeper.)
• SLEEP - at least 7 hrs/night (naps are good, too!)
• Limit caffeine and sugar
• Eat more foods grown in the earth
• Laugh as much as possible
• Socialize regularly (but still have solo dates with self, too)
• Write through the emotions that come up
• Engage creativity (pursue my soul-work)
• Be open to spontaneous adventures
• Travel and explore with curiosity
• Embrace change instead of resisting
I love that last one. All suffering is resistance!
Oh, and I hear you loud and clear on point one. I have just taken myself plus my noise cancelling headphones into the living room and shut the door on the whole family to get some work done!😘
I like revisiting my angst and rage as a 51 year old much more than I did beginning at 12. The other physical symptoms of perimenopause suck in a worse way than the onset of puberty, however- at least for me. HRT, eating decent food, not watching the news every day and getting in some exercise helps. But I appreciate my punk, heavy metal, goth, new wave artists I discovered back then so much more now- I understand rage, irony, sadness, etc in the lyrics and music. My hagolescence has given me new joy in older music, and more insight into treasure.
This, exactly! Jen, I am listening to early 90s music pretty much exclusively at the moment and LOVING it. I make zero apologies for it, and agree that the lyrics have a potency that I could never have understood at 12!
"Mint in the ears (toothpaste), your own wash rag and soap for public restroom, and dancing more."
The part about mothers nursing then straight into the midst of it got me teary eyed. This is me. Year 4 and I’m 41 with 4 and 6 year olds. Formal diagnosis and everything. The ultrasound technician told me I had just been in her room a year prior. I asked why? I knew the place looked familiar. “Irregular periods, so at least that’s consistent.” The peri-blind-rage I experience with my toddlers - and HAVE BEEN experiencing for the entirety of my son’s little life- breaks my heart to pieces. They don’t deserve this mom. Not yet anyway. And yet I know that on the other side there is a power there. I’m just not ready for it. So thank you, it’s really supportive to read someone else’s take on it.
Oh Cara. I'm so sorry I'm only seeing this now! And yes, it's absolutely heartbreaking, isn't it. I'm also saddened to hear your experience and can completely relate to the emotional rollercoaster and the need to get off. Let's keep talking, and take good care of yourself.
Lindsay, I loved listening to this. I am well on to the other side, in fact six years past that magic date of the last period. I am struggling to be honest. What I am absolutely over the moon about (pardon the pun) is the conversations going on - here and elsewhere - it is fabulous. I am excited that my three daughters - all in their 30s - have the forum and associated information for their preparation into this life phase. I am sorry it has been tough for you. I did not know about peri-menopause. I guess I was just 'waiting for menopause', and not ready for what was to come. I had a physically easy time in the years leading up to my last period. But, as it has been throughout my whole menstruating life, anxiety, depression, mood swings, collapsing memory, irritability, low sense of self, was all off the scale. And continues to be. About a year ago I started noticing other physical changes - the oestrogen well is now officially empty! My GP has just agreed to MHT. Let's see.
Keep your conversation going please - it is an honest, true, relatable and well told story for many. Sending it on to my girls right now. Very thankful to be learning at last, at nearly 61, I am ready to fly with Hagitude.
Delighted that we are able to name and discuss this life stage, but sad for you that it wasn't possible during your perimenopause, Maurni. I know we've come a long way in recent times, but also think there's far to go. SO glad that conversations like this will serve your daughters, who might be better quipped with the knowledge to understand what's happening to their changing bodies. Delighted for you that you're ready to step into the next phase and 'fly with hagitude,' but it sounds like it's still posing challenges that also deserve some airtime.
I just turned 40, and I, too, am a raging hagolescent. I love that I now have a word that's so, so much better than "perimenopause" for what this feels like.
Glad to be of service, Robin!
I am feeling this so much right now! As I stood in my backyard and hurled walnuts at the fence in a complete blind rage I succumbed to the fact that this was not my normal. When I explained to friends, my tantrum that included throwing a freshly made cup of coffee on the ground and stomping my feet, they laughed heartily, the full belly, snorting kind of laugh. I stared back terrified. I’m known for being calm and level headed. Where is this rage coming from? What is happening?! At 38 I’ve been experiencing peri-menopause for several years and I feel like an unwilling subject who is deemed the first of my friends to trudge this path. Thank you for talking about your experience Lindsay. I laughed and cringed my way through reading your familiar thoughts. If you continue to share your experience I’ll be here reading along! So so relatable.
Oh, Ashley. I'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time of it right now. Honestly, it's absolutely grim. The rage is real. I know exactly what you mean when you say you don't want your little ones to be on the receiving end of it; and that your rage is coupled with their tantrums feels wrong, doesn't it? Sending strength, and let's keep talking please.
I absolutely love this article. You've totally summed up how I feel about my own Hagolescence
Delighted it's resonated with you, Louise! Solidarity, friend... x
PS Pls forgive the typos. I loathe ‘autocorrect.’ What a grave misnomer. Oof. 🤦🏻♀️
Hagolescence is brilliant! Sorry it’s happening early for you and yes mine came on the heels of nursing my own infant-then-toddler but then again I gave birth finally at 41 so that was inevitable. Like I said in the last round of writing sessions with you, peri menopause and potty-training are likely never meant to happen under one roof simultaneously (we were both having tantrums!) But I love love love that you were pulled together carve that moment for yourself by the water and yes we damn we’ll need to be talking a lot more about what we are going through! It’s why I began my documentary photography project Womb (https;//womb.blog) which I had to put on hold during my MA pursuit and then moving myself, my newly-minted teen and our dawg across the country. I’m about to revive it because it’s ongoing since 2017. I began an offshoot project under the bigger Womb umbrella called Change wheee I documented women entering peri- and experiencing menopause and sharing their own experiences of it. I even included some audio interviews for that project (also ongoing!) Please check it out whenever you feel inclined: https://nancyforde.com/change. It’s a time of life when we all might begin to feel invisible (which has its myriad benefits and disadvantages.) But at least we can be seen by each other which is why I did formal portrait sessions with the women I began interviewing. Aiming to pick up the thread of this doc project, too. Hope it helps anyone listening not to feel so alone in it all (or invisible,) Thank you thank you thank you for talking about it so openly! And I love both ‘Hagitude’ and ‘Hagolescense’ (brill!) Also: as a photographer, I wish I had taken that cracking photo of you! Couldn’t help cackling at the sight of it! 😂😅
I was so happy when I rediscovered that pic in my google photos too, Nancy! It was exactly what I needed! I am so excited to delve into both Womb and Change - what a wonderful thing it is that you began these explorations, and may have an opportunity to return to them. I completely agree that it's a time we may well become less visible, and yet so many of us feel we are stepping into our creative power... there's a lot to square there because I feel part of that wants to be seen. SO much to talk further on, Nancy! I'll see you this very evening!
I love your word Hadolescence ❤️ I'm about 5 years into perimenopause and funnily enough just writing about it myself. I've noticed with a mixture of horror and curiosity as various symptoms have come and gone. Some days I don't recognise myself. The saviour for me has been slowing down, becoming a hermit and resting a lot. A regulated nervous system seems to calm most symptoms. But I'm aware that this is an enormous challenge for those entering this stage while still parenting small children (or in relentlessly demanding jobs, or both). In many ways, our modern lives are so out of kilter with what our bodies are demanding (to go and live in a cave by the ocean for about 10 years!) Thanks for sharing so honestly here. We NEED these conversations!
Horror and curiosity is exactly it, VIcki. Thanks for articulating it so clearly. I really agree with you on a regulated nervous system. I had a bit of a jangly day yesterday for myriad reasons and could feel it in my cells. I haven't had a day like it for a while and though I'm calmer today, I feel the legacy of it. So glad I understand myself enough to see these as fleeting times, though. Would love to know more on your observations on your own peri experience. You're so right that we need to talk more.
Love this post, I was thrown into medically induced menopause at 45 with chemo treatment, which was horrific, I ended up on sleeping tablets as I woke 20 times a night with night sweats and was a walking zombie, 14 months later, when I was just getting used to no periods hurrah, they bloody ( pardon the pun) came back! Now at 50 on HRT to stop said heat flashes that made me feel sick they were so intense, and my periods were really heavy and all over the place. It’s just great being a woman isn’t it! I would say HRT helps tho so if you can get on it, I’d definitely recommend it to just dampen the severity of everything and feel a bit more normal! Good luck! And as for teenagers opinions - Teflon shoulders required I’m afraid! (16 & 18 in my house!) xx
Hey Juliet, I'm so sorry that you had that experience, but happy to hear that HRT has been helpful for you in taking the edge off. Still, that's a long old slog you've been through. And yes those teens, as lovely as they are, are our harshest critics! Solidarity, friend! x