Thanks for pointing me in the direction of this conversation with Lindsey, Lindsay (good thing there is one letter difference 😆). It was so helpful to hear an honest dialogue about how on earth to balance (if balance is the right word) the monumental act of creation that is birthing an entire new human being with the desire to maintain your own creative practice. There's a reason male authors, artists and mystics leave the kids behind while they go off into the desert to find themselves. I was also really interested in how you explore the boundaries between 'writing motherhood' and respecting the fact that your kids have a say in this. My daughter is 11 and I am finding it hard to know how much to share and how much to leave out. The story is not all mine to tell. But it needs to be told! It's a tricky one. For now, I have mostly used her experiences as a jumping off point for exploration of my own childhood stuff. That seems OK. I love these kinds of conversations and thoughts so I've signed up for your annual membership to explore further 🧡
I just saw this email come in, Ali! Thank you so much. I am delighted our paths have crossed. I am grappling with this in quite a significant way all of a sudden as my new book is all about the absolute domestic car crash it is to be prematurely perimenopausal as your daughter enters the roughest part of puberty. Oh, lordy! I sense we have lots to chat about... In the meantime, hope you get some value from the Membership space. I'm launching details of the next Seasonal journalling session (and reminding Members of a few other things coming up) in tomorrow's Members' Chat Thread. See you there. x
Me too, Lindsay, I'm so pleased to have found you here in the rather joyful place I'm finding Substack to be! I'm also in that place of menopause and puberty colliding like some exponential hormonal maelstrom. It is often a shit show with door slamming and stand offs , but then we also have some rather tender weepy, 'why am I so sad?' moments together too. So definitely looking forward to your new book. Now need to catch up on your memoir. xx
Really enjoyed this conversation Lyndsay and Lindsey! Love hearing the honesty around everyday life as a mum, as well as how to be creative and honour your needs in amongst it all. I completely relate to those big emotions that you were talking about Lyndsay and finding those hard to deal with. And it was so interesting Lindsey as your kids are a bit older, hearing your perspective on how they need you now in a different way. My kids are 9, 6 and 1 so I'm kind of in a mix of all of it, being needed but not being needed too! X
Ah thank you for reading Jenna. Yes it felt good to talk about it all and how it coexists (though not seamlessly!) And yes the emotions, I feel like this is a whole unravelling of layers in itself...I expanded to contain babies crying and then toddler tantrums, now age 4 is a new experience in emotion too and so I continue to grow to hold it all. You are holding such an expanse of childhood, you are amazing, sending much love to you xx
Yes, I hear you, it's messy and in bits but it's there at least! Gosh yes, every age is a whole new learning isn't it, currently navigating big emotions with my 9 year old daughter, a sign of the teenage years I think, god help me!! Thank you Lyndsay, right back at you, sending love to you too xx
'Holding such an expanse of childhood,' WOW, Lyndsay – that's big! And also well done to you, Jenna. That is A LOT. Loving dipping into this conversation to see how our chat landed. And, oh, those hormones start flowing faster than you'd ever imagine, friend.xx
Thank you L. It felt so good to chat about it all, especially with Lindsay’s perspective of the future, being a few years on from us in our mothering days…xx
What a lovely conversation. Like having a coffee together 💛
I was surprised to find a community of mothers here, too, and hadn't anticipated how much I would need that community in those early days of having a newborn again. And the thing I could resonate with most is how, when we mother, the more we need to carve out that time and space for creativity and nurturance.
Also agree that we are more than the book, candle and journal photos you see. It's messy, it's mayhem, it's multifaceted!
Got me to thinking about the cost of caring for myself, living with chronic fatigue, and what it takes to actually MAKE SPACE.
Thank you Sarah. I LOVE the idea of having a coffee together…!
It has been such a nourishing experience to find such brilliant creative mothers here, I am so inspired by everyone. And YES that is definitely it, the more we pour into these tiny beings, the more we need to connect with our own creative wellsprings.
And yes, there is so much more going on behind the scenes than it can appear. I often think that when I see a mother seemingly gliding along with a buggy — how much effort it has taken to get out of the door (well for me anyway and any perceived sense of ease is extremely fleeting!) So much is unseen.
So glad to hear it got you thinking about your own circumstances too, so much gentleness is required (easier said than done I realise) xx
I think the discussion around chronic illness and caregiving is one we need to give far more airtime to, Sarah. That's a whole other layer of complexity right there. x
I absolutely loved every moment of this. so much resonated (the part where "you become the needy one" from Lindsay felt very evocative) and so great to be in both your company, sort of! xx
So happy this conversation resonated with you, Chloe. And yes, that shift from needed to needy is one I'm very much navigating now... a tough one! I read something else in Notes earlier by Donna Lancaster on this very topic. The fact that we as parents need to be really aware when our children carry our burdens. We've all been there, I'm sure, and at least are aware of it even if we haven't got all the answers on how to NOT do it!
Ah thank you for watching Chloe, this means a lot especially from one of my much-valued virtual village in those early postpartum Covid days! Yes I can already imagine the feeling of being the needy one as their independence grows! So lovely to accompany you xx
Thank you so much for having me Lindsay, such a joy chatting to you and I appreciate being a part of your brilliant and important exploration of care and creativity. Thank you also for your kind and generous introduction and for your own beautiful and supportive insights into your current chapter of motherhood (absolutely learning the art of quick plaits asap!). I hope we can continue the conversation…xx
So lovely to see this collaboration Lindsay. It takes me straight back to when my kids were small and I, like you, am in awe of mothers who use that time as a creative time as I was totally swamped and buried in the world of babies and toddlers and how to do it that my writing and reading for myself went out the window.
But actually reflecting back it was a very creative time in other ways. I started doing practical projects, using my hands, like I hadn’t done before - and I remember recognising that the kids left me alone if I was making something or they would join in with me. But writing and reading somehow took me too far away from them, which made them grasp for my attention.
I also look back now and see that I was depressed after my son was born - didn’t really recognise it at the time - and that can’t have helped. Lovely to hear these stories xx
Thank you so much for watching/listening Lily and for your comments. I too have often felt swamped in these early mothering days, with thoughts that I should be doing more, when seeing peers and mothers in wider society returning to traditional workforce etc. And I wonder why I am finding things so overwhelming/all-consuming when I am not juggling a commute/lots of childcare arrangements etc. Though at the same time, every moment is seeped in creative thinking/writing (or a desire to be) and I should celebrate that!
It is wonderful to hear that you found yourself creating with your hands in your early mothering days, I can imagine it felt therapeutic and anchoring too.
I am sorry to hear that you now recognise that you were feeling depressed after your son was born. It seems hard to escape intact when everything in our perceived world shifts. I have felt both unsure and a heightened sense of everything in a primal sort of way as well as many other layers along this path of matrescence so far xx
I completely relate to this experience, Lily. I, too, experienced periods of low mood when the kids were very young, though it wasn't apparent to me at the time that the anxiety, restlessness and loss of focus could be a form of PND.
Taken by what you say about how tactile creative pursuits would grab and hold their attention. Definitely something I felt, too. Thanks for your reflections, and yes – a lovely invitation for us to think back on that time. Even though it could be challenging, there were lovely times, too.
Thanks for pointing me in the direction of this conversation with Lindsey, Lindsay (good thing there is one letter difference 😆). It was so helpful to hear an honest dialogue about how on earth to balance (if balance is the right word) the monumental act of creation that is birthing an entire new human being with the desire to maintain your own creative practice. There's a reason male authors, artists and mystics leave the kids behind while they go off into the desert to find themselves. I was also really interested in how you explore the boundaries between 'writing motherhood' and respecting the fact that your kids have a say in this. My daughter is 11 and I am finding it hard to know how much to share and how much to leave out. The story is not all mine to tell. But it needs to be told! It's a tricky one. For now, I have mostly used her experiences as a jumping off point for exploration of my own childhood stuff. That seems OK. I love these kinds of conversations and thoughts so I've signed up for your annual membership to explore further 🧡
I just saw this email come in, Ali! Thank you so much. I am delighted our paths have crossed. I am grappling with this in quite a significant way all of a sudden as my new book is all about the absolute domestic car crash it is to be prematurely perimenopausal as your daughter enters the roughest part of puberty. Oh, lordy! I sense we have lots to chat about... In the meantime, hope you get some value from the Membership space. I'm launching details of the next Seasonal journalling session (and reminding Members of a few other things coming up) in tomorrow's Members' Chat Thread. See you there. x
Me too, Lindsay, I'm so pleased to have found you here in the rather joyful place I'm finding Substack to be! I'm also in that place of menopause and puberty colliding like some exponential hormonal maelstrom. It is often a shit show with door slamming and stand offs , but then we also have some rather tender weepy, 'why am I so sad?' moments together too. So definitely looking forward to your new book. Now need to catch up on your memoir. xx
So much of this here, too!
Really enjoyed this conversation Lyndsay and Lindsey! Love hearing the honesty around everyday life as a mum, as well as how to be creative and honour your needs in amongst it all. I completely relate to those big emotions that you were talking about Lyndsay and finding those hard to deal with. And it was so interesting Lindsey as your kids are a bit older, hearing your perspective on how they need you now in a different way. My kids are 9, 6 and 1 so I'm kind of in a mix of all of it, being needed but not being needed too! X
Ah thank you for reading Jenna. Yes it felt good to talk about it all and how it coexists (though not seamlessly!) And yes the emotions, I feel like this is a whole unravelling of layers in itself...I expanded to contain babies crying and then toddler tantrums, now age 4 is a new experience in emotion too and so I continue to grow to hold it all. You are holding such an expanse of childhood, you are amazing, sending much love to you xx
Yes, I hear you, it's messy and in bits but it's there at least! Gosh yes, every age is a whole new learning isn't it, currently navigating big emotions with my 9 year old daughter, a sign of the teenage years I think, god help me!! Thank you Lyndsay, right back at you, sending love to you too xx
'Holding such an expanse of childhood,' WOW, Lyndsay – that's big! And also well done to you, Jenna. That is A LOT. Loving dipping into this conversation to see how our chat landed. And, oh, those hormones start flowing faster than you'd ever imagine, friend.xx
Adored listening to this conversation and there is so much depth to both of your experiences! Thank you! X
Thank you L. It felt so good to chat about it all, especially with Lindsay’s perspective of the future, being a few years on from us in our mothering days…xx
Thanks so much for listening / watching, Lauren!
What a lovely conversation. Like having a coffee together 💛
I was surprised to find a community of mothers here, too, and hadn't anticipated how much I would need that community in those early days of having a newborn again. And the thing I could resonate with most is how, when we mother, the more we need to carve out that time and space for creativity and nurturance.
Also agree that we are more than the book, candle and journal photos you see. It's messy, it's mayhem, it's multifaceted!
Got me to thinking about the cost of caring for myself, living with chronic fatigue, and what it takes to actually MAKE SPACE.
Thank you Sarah. I LOVE the idea of having a coffee together…!
It has been such a nourishing experience to find such brilliant creative mothers here, I am so inspired by everyone. And YES that is definitely it, the more we pour into these tiny beings, the more we need to connect with our own creative wellsprings.
And yes, there is so much more going on behind the scenes than it can appear. I often think that when I see a mother seemingly gliding along with a buggy — how much effort it has taken to get out of the door (well for me anyway and any perceived sense of ease is extremely fleeting!) So much is unseen.
So glad to hear it got you thinking about your own circumstances too, so much gentleness is required (easier said than done I realise) xx
I think the discussion around chronic illness and caregiving is one we need to give far more airtime to, Sarah. That's a whole other layer of complexity right there. x
I absolutely loved every moment of this. so much resonated (the part where "you become the needy one" from Lindsay felt very evocative) and so great to be in both your company, sort of! xx
So happy this conversation resonated with you, Chloe. And yes, that shift from needed to needy is one I'm very much navigating now... a tough one! I read something else in Notes earlier by Donna Lancaster on this very topic. The fact that we as parents need to be really aware when our children carry our burdens. We've all been there, I'm sure, and at least are aware of it even if we haven't got all the answers on how to NOT do it!
Ah thank you for watching Chloe, this means a lot especially from one of my much-valued virtual village in those early postpartum Covid days! Yes I can already imagine the feeling of being the needy one as their independence grows! So lovely to accompany you xx
Thank you so much for having me Lindsay, such a joy chatting to you and I appreciate being a part of your brilliant and important exploration of care and creativity. Thank you also for your kind and generous introduction and for your own beautiful and supportive insights into your current chapter of motherhood (absolutely learning the art of quick plaits asap!). I hope we can continue the conversation…xx
Most definitely, Lyndsay. Imagine a re-visit in a couple of years' time? Now, that's an idea worth writing down!
Haha yes, in the diary for Feb 2026! xx
Great listen. I'm pondering the 4 types of caregiving now, ready to give you my answer of Friday!
Thank you for listening Faith. So look forward to hearing your story and what your caregiving type is! xx
Oh brilliant, Faith! Glad it's got your brain fired up for our chat. Can't wait to speak to you!
So lovely to see this collaboration Lindsay. It takes me straight back to when my kids were small and I, like you, am in awe of mothers who use that time as a creative time as I was totally swamped and buried in the world of babies and toddlers and how to do it that my writing and reading for myself went out the window.
But actually reflecting back it was a very creative time in other ways. I started doing practical projects, using my hands, like I hadn’t done before - and I remember recognising that the kids left me alone if I was making something or they would join in with me. But writing and reading somehow took me too far away from them, which made them grasp for my attention.
I also look back now and see that I was depressed after my son was born - didn’t really recognise it at the time - and that can’t have helped. Lovely to hear these stories xx
Thank you so much for watching/listening Lily and for your comments. I too have often felt swamped in these early mothering days, with thoughts that I should be doing more, when seeing peers and mothers in wider society returning to traditional workforce etc. And I wonder why I am finding things so overwhelming/all-consuming when I am not juggling a commute/lots of childcare arrangements etc. Though at the same time, every moment is seeped in creative thinking/writing (or a desire to be) and I should celebrate that!
It is wonderful to hear that you found yourself creating with your hands in your early mothering days, I can imagine it felt therapeutic and anchoring too.
I am sorry to hear that you now recognise that you were feeling depressed after your son was born. It seems hard to escape intact when everything in our perceived world shifts. I have felt both unsure and a heightened sense of everything in a primal sort of way as well as many other layers along this path of matrescence so far xx
Lovely how we’re now using that word Matrescence. Such an important book Lucy wrote!
I completely relate to this experience, Lily. I, too, experienced periods of low mood when the kids were very young, though it wasn't apparent to me at the time that the anxiety, restlessness and loss of focus could be a form of PND.
Taken by what you say about how tactile creative pursuits would grab and hold their attention. Definitely something I felt, too. Thanks for your reflections, and yes – a lovely invitation for us to think back on that time. Even though it could be challenging, there were lovely times, too.