I'm not sure whether I have an actual object. I have been buying diamine ink for a good pen. I change colour each season. That definitely feels like permission to write ✍️
Loved this, Lindsay, of course! I feel like my rings hold the different parts of me and while one hand is quite demure (though not that mindful… sorry, bad joke), the other really feels like ‘me’ and I’d be truly lost without that jewellery. Even referring to them as jewellery feels odd to me, as they’re such a part of me; when I had to take them off to give birth I honestly felt more naked than my actual naked body! On my right hand I have: a ring a school friend gave me when we were living in London, one that is the cast of a fox’s tooth my boyf gave me because we’d always see foxes on the walks home in the wee hours, a chunky ring I made myself last year when the world started to open up again, a slim band that I made to mark the birth of my son. I need to make another one for my second. They’re like talismans and keep me grounded.
Just mentioned you in my reply to Harriet above, as you know I've long enjoyed your be-jewelleryed fingers! I completely understand what you're saying about taking them off making you feel naked, though I've gotten more used to not wearing them in recent times (despite having accumulated more than I've ever worn, and wearing them all at once!). This is largely down to going to the gym and lifting weights. Maybe It's connected, too, to the fact I'm wearing make-up on fewer days??? Hmmm. Another thing to think on!
I purchased jewelry for myself (while I was married) as my reminder that I belong to myself and only myself. I did this in secret for years and have only recently started talking about it/ checking in with myself about it. What a relief, in so many ways, to read this post. I feel seen!
Lindsay! You did not drop the ball at all! I’m getting ready to board my flight to Amsterdam, then on to Edinburgh. Will DM you Monday when I arrive, would love to see if a time works! Willing to travel 😂🥰
Shazelle, I love that you feel able to reveal this (and revel in your purchases!) now! Are you in Scotland??? Can we still try and make a plan? SO SORRY I dropped the ball on this!
I’ve started writing a comment to this and deleted it so many times trying to find the right words so here goes. Jewellery yes, on the ring finger on my right hand I alternate three different rings. There’s the hammered silver and labradorite gobstopper ring I bought with 40th birthday money from Monica Vinader. I took ages to choose it, wanting the weight, feel and shape to be just right. There’s also the simple silver Russian twist ring. Three interwoven strands, one for each of my children that feels so soothing to twist around my finger. Then there’s the ring I bought myself this Christmas. Hammered silver again, I like textured jewellery it would appear 😂 and a slender silver band that twists around it. I realise now how much I use the jewellery on my hands and wrists to self soothe. To bring me home.
I have a silver cuff my sister bought me for my 30th birthday that I’ve worn almost every day since. I wear that on my left wrist while my watch goes on my right wrist. There’s something here about being balanced on both sides, needing to feel balanced and symmetrical. So yes, my jewellery in particular has meaning and there’s a story to each piece, even if it’s a story with a small ‘s’. There are other items too but that’s maybe for a Substack post. Thanks for getting me thinking today 💚
LOVE a tangent! I remember admiring your jewellery when we were in Alnwick last year. Something so pleasing to me in watching other people's hands with rings on as they move. Feel the same (and have told her this!) about Clare Skelton's hands!
I’ve been actively and regularly making (or taking?) time and space for me to write in since last autumn, and I’ve been surprised how much it’s unsettled our family rhythms. My kids have said several times they wish I’d finish writing so I have more time for them (note: this seems to mean being on call for them to fetch snacks etc). I’ve realised I’m subconsciously trying to find pockets of time to write in that won’t impact them or affect my husband (like early mornings before they’re awake).
This, Ellen. I will say it's exactly the same here and I do try really hard to square my decisions with myself. Am I writing because I MUST or because I want to? Can I be more boundaried for the sake of everyone and be available to them without them feeling they play second fiddle to my work? For the first time ever in my life, this is now the case (for the past two years I'd say) and it's been hard for us all at times to adjust to me not being on call for them all / just doing housework...🫠🫠🫠🫠
I had a jeweller I love on Instagram make me a thin silver ring cast from a twig, with two small stones in it. It was to mark a big project that I completed a couple of years ago, ( an academic book I edited and the colour of the stones match the cover of the book). It was not crazy expensive but it reminds me daily of what I am capable of, and of an achievement that was just about me, because I cared and was passionate about it.
So much of my jewellery is from others and this silver ring is completely about myself, an achievement and a reminder to always believe in what is possible.
I really noticed this week how much I gave my son what he wanted. Cuddly toys from gift shops, paying for numerous activities . And yet I wrangle heavily with myself for buying something purely for the 'want' of it.
I felt a longing for a ring that I buy for myself for a long time. I have not done it yet. But yesterday I bought a diamond painting kit for myself that I've been eyeing for months. Getting it and starting it in the afternoon felt liberating. Doing something for the sole reason that I wanted to enjoy it, no productive reason, no goal, just because. Felt like I matter too. This topic is so big, I hope to chat about it tonight.
I love this, Ivett. That time for hobbies is the thing that we claim. Let's definitely keep chatting tonight. I read a brilliant post on Instagram by Penny Wincer this week on the rebellion of writing when we don't have certainty of financial gain, and while the house falls apart around us. A gentle act of resistance/protest and yet it has so many complex feelings attached that we struggle with. Well done on making your pursuit a priority xx
Interesting that you bought a ring - I stopped wearing my engagement and wedding rings in 2020 - it was incredibly liberating. It's taken my husband a while to get used to it and to stop mentioning it; he had no answer when I pointed out he didn't wear a wedding ring and had, in fact, refused to have one in the first place.
This is really interesting to me, Lynn, and I hear what you're saying about men and rings. I think the majority of my (male) peers do wear wedding rings but it wasn't common at all in my family growing up. Most of the men didn't wear them. Not sure if they had rings at all in fact. Making me wonder about women as possessions again!
You're right, Lindsay, a lot of men do wear wedding rings, and my husband refused on safety grounds as he is a farmer, which I understand. At the time of buying mine, I had suggested he get one and that he not wear it to work, but he wouldn't. I suppose it irked me and that feeling just got stronger the longer we have been married (over 30 years). And, yes, there is that possession thing which also irritates me and things have been said during our relationship which have hinted at that, although denied, of course. A complex topic!!!
Wedding rings feel like a can of worms sometimes. My dad stopped wearing his (I think because it stopped fitting as he got older) and didn’t think it was a big deal but it upset my mum and she did a whole ceremonial removal of her ring. My husband takes his off when it’s hot and sometimes mislays it for weeks, and it doesn’t really bother me. But I always wear mine (even though I forget it’s there half the time). Lots of food for thought…
My dad didn't wear his at all, as far as I can remember. My grandfather on his side did, though. I can actually remember how it looked and felt on his hand now I'm thinking about it, Ellen. Love that your mum did a ceremonial removal! Did she ever put it back on?! We've never buried any relative with their rings on... As an aside! I wear my paternal grandmother's wedding ring on my first finger every day
Just realising I wear my paternal grandmothers engagement ring every day alongside a ring I bought on holiday in Greece as a teenager. I didn' t wear jewellery for years after having my son so it is a bit of a reclamation to be wearing rings and earrings again and I notice that I twiddle my rings a lot for comfort/when talking. Especially in therapy!
I do this as well. My spouse has a thing about earrings and so I didn't wear them for years until I decided that I really wanted to, actually, and now all five holes are filled! He does not enjoy me twiddling (which I think is fair enough and poss an ND thing) but I won't be stopped from wearing now...
Mum’s wedding ring stayed off. I’ve got it now, as well as my maternal grandmother’s wedding and engagement rings. I sometimes wonder about wearing Mum’s, but it feels weird as my dad is still alive, so her ring is still linked to him. I’d wear my Nana’s but they don’t fit me.
I have ideas about taking all the gold and stones from the rings I've inherited but don't wear and having a jeweller do something lovely with them. Maybe a gift to myself if / when I get through the next publishing door?!
I bought myself some chic satin shortie pyjamas yesterday so I could run a bath in my roll-top then sashay around my herringbone floors like I was in a flake advert. I didn't like how they looked, so I ate steak & chips in my trusty pink fleece ones & watched Dope Girls on Iplayer ;)
I'm not sure whether I have an actual object. I have been buying diamine ink for a good pen. I change colour each season. That definitely feels like permission to write ✍️
Oh definitely! Not ever heard of this ink and need to go and investigate now!
Loved this, Lindsay, of course! I feel like my rings hold the different parts of me and while one hand is quite demure (though not that mindful… sorry, bad joke), the other really feels like ‘me’ and I’d be truly lost without that jewellery. Even referring to them as jewellery feels odd to me, as they’re such a part of me; when I had to take them off to give birth I honestly felt more naked than my actual naked body! On my right hand I have: a ring a school friend gave me when we were living in London, one that is the cast of a fox’s tooth my boyf gave me because we’d always see foxes on the walks home in the wee hours, a chunky ring I made myself last year when the world started to open up again, a slim band that I made to mark the birth of my son. I need to make another one for my second. They’re like talismans and keep me grounded.
Just mentioned you in my reply to Harriet above, as you know I've long enjoyed your be-jewelleryed fingers! I completely understand what you're saying about taking them off making you feel naked, though I've gotten more used to not wearing them in recent times (despite having accumulated more than I've ever worn, and wearing them all at once!). This is largely down to going to the gym and lifting weights. Maybe It's connected, too, to the fact I'm wearing make-up on fewer days??? Hmmm. Another thing to think on!
I kinda love that additional element you’ve just mentioned: the taking off of the precious things to do a physical, intense thing.
Very flattered that you enjoy my fingers (the weirdest sentence ever written…!) x
I purchased jewelry for myself (while I was married) as my reminder that I belong to myself and only myself. I did this in secret for years and have only recently started talking about it/ checking in with myself about it. What a relief, in so many ways, to read this post. I feel seen!
Lindsay! You did not drop the ball at all! I’m getting ready to board my flight to Amsterdam, then on to Edinburgh. Will DM you Monday when I arrive, would love to see if a time works! Willing to travel 😂🥰
Shazelle, I love that you feel able to reveal this (and revel in your purchases!) now! Are you in Scotland??? Can we still try and make a plan? SO SORRY I dropped the ball on this!
I’ve started writing a comment to this and deleted it so many times trying to find the right words so here goes. Jewellery yes, on the ring finger on my right hand I alternate three different rings. There’s the hammered silver and labradorite gobstopper ring I bought with 40th birthday money from Monica Vinader. I took ages to choose it, wanting the weight, feel and shape to be just right. There’s also the simple silver Russian twist ring. Three interwoven strands, one for each of my children that feels so soothing to twist around my finger. Then there’s the ring I bought myself this Christmas. Hammered silver again, I like textured jewellery it would appear 😂 and a slender silver band that twists around it. I realise now how much I use the jewellery on my hands and wrists to self soothe. To bring me home.
I have a silver cuff my sister bought me for my 30th birthday that I’ve worn almost every day since. I wear that on my left wrist while my watch goes on my right wrist. There’s something here about being balanced on both sides, needing to feel balanced and symmetrical. So yes, my jewellery in particular has meaning and there’s a story to each piece, even if it’s a story with a small ‘s’. There are other items too but that’s maybe for a Substack post. Thanks for getting me thinking today 💚
I also have a feeling I’ve gone off on a tangent but there we go, you got me thinking 😂
LOVE a tangent! I remember admiring your jewellery when we were in Alnwick last year. Something so pleasing to me in watching other people's hands with rings on as they move. Feel the same (and have told her this!) about Clare Skelton's hands!
🙈🙈🙈😚😚😚
I’ve been actively and regularly making (or taking?) time and space for me to write in since last autumn, and I’ve been surprised how much it’s unsettled our family rhythms. My kids have said several times they wish I’d finish writing so I have more time for them (note: this seems to mean being on call for them to fetch snacks etc). I’ve realised I’m subconsciously trying to find pockets of time to write in that won’t impact them or affect my husband (like early mornings before they’re awake).
This, Ellen. I will say it's exactly the same here and I do try really hard to square my decisions with myself. Am I writing because I MUST or because I want to? Can I be more boundaried for the sake of everyone and be available to them without them feeling they play second fiddle to my work? For the first time ever in my life, this is now the case (for the past two years I'd say) and it's been hard for us all at times to adjust to me not being on call for them all / just doing housework...🫠🫠🫠🫠
I had a jeweller I love on Instagram make me a thin silver ring cast from a twig, with two small stones in it. It was to mark a big project that I completed a couple of years ago, ( an academic book I edited and the colour of the stones match the cover of the book). It was not crazy expensive but it reminds me daily of what I am capable of, and of an achievement that was just about me, because I cared and was passionate about it.
So much of my jewellery is from others and this silver ring is completely about myself, an achievement and a reminder to always believe in what is possible.
I love your post, thank you xxx
Now, that sounds like you've done it in style! Would LOVE to see it!
Writing and claiming the space to write has for me been my slimmest band of gold…. 💍📝
Same
And Claire, you were in my mind today thinking about your tarot practice being the thing...
This is such a brilliant sentence, Layla xx
I really noticed this week how much I gave my son what he wanted. Cuddly toys from gift shops, paying for numerous activities . And yet I wrangle heavily with myself for buying something purely for the 'want' of it.
Oh I feel this so much, Chloë. I tie myself in knots over small luxuries for me or only get a thing if it's on Vinted/in the sales...
Exactly!
I felt a longing for a ring that I buy for myself for a long time. I have not done it yet. But yesterday I bought a diamond painting kit for myself that I've been eyeing for months. Getting it and starting it in the afternoon felt liberating. Doing something for the sole reason that I wanted to enjoy it, no productive reason, no goal, just because. Felt like I matter too. This topic is so big, I hope to chat about it tonight.
I love this, Ivett. That time for hobbies is the thing that we claim. Let's definitely keep chatting tonight. I read a brilliant post on Instagram by Penny Wincer this week on the rebellion of writing when we don't have certainty of financial gain, and while the house falls apart around us. A gentle act of resistance/protest and yet it has so many complex feelings attached that we struggle with. Well done on making your pursuit a priority xx
Interesting that you bought a ring - I stopped wearing my engagement and wedding rings in 2020 - it was incredibly liberating. It's taken my husband a while to get used to it and to stop mentioning it; he had no answer when I pointed out he didn't wear a wedding ring and had, in fact, refused to have one in the first place.
This is really interesting to me, Lynn, and I hear what you're saying about men and rings. I think the majority of my (male) peers do wear wedding rings but it wasn't common at all in my family growing up. Most of the men didn't wear them. Not sure if they had rings at all in fact. Making me wonder about women as possessions again!
You're right, Lindsay, a lot of men do wear wedding rings, and my husband refused on safety grounds as he is a farmer, which I understand. At the time of buying mine, I had suggested he get one and that he not wear it to work, but he wouldn't. I suppose it irked me and that feeling just got stronger the longer we have been married (over 30 years). And, yes, there is that possession thing which also irritates me and things have been said during our relationship which have hinted at that, although denied, of course. A complex topic!!!
Wedding rings feel like a can of worms sometimes. My dad stopped wearing his (I think because it stopped fitting as he got older) and didn’t think it was a big deal but it upset my mum and she did a whole ceremonial removal of her ring. My husband takes his off when it’s hot and sometimes mislays it for weeks, and it doesn’t really bother me. But I always wear mine (even though I forget it’s there half the time). Lots of food for thought…
My dad didn't wear his at all, as far as I can remember. My grandfather on his side did, though. I can actually remember how it looked and felt on his hand now I'm thinking about it, Ellen. Love that your mum did a ceremonial removal! Did she ever put it back on?! We've never buried any relative with their rings on... As an aside! I wear my paternal grandmother's wedding ring on my first finger every day
Just realising I wear my paternal grandmothers engagement ring every day alongside a ring I bought on holiday in Greece as a teenager. I didn' t wear jewellery for years after having my son so it is a bit of a reclamation to be wearing rings and earrings again and I notice that I twiddle my rings a lot for comfort/when talking. Especially in therapy!
Oh, and I have a necklace that's actually called the contemplation necklace that I wear all the time!
I do this as well. My spouse has a thing about earrings and so I didn't wear them for years until I decided that I really wanted to, actually, and now all five holes are filled! He does not enjoy me twiddling (which I think is fair enough and poss an ND thing) but I won't be stopped from wearing now...
Mum’s wedding ring stayed off. I’ve got it now, as well as my maternal grandmother’s wedding and engagement rings. I sometimes wonder about wearing Mum’s, but it feels weird as my dad is still alive, so her ring is still linked to him. I’d wear my Nana’s but they don’t fit me.
I have ideas about taking all the gold and stones from the rings I've inherited but don't wear and having a jeweller do something lovely with them. Maybe a gift to myself if / when I get through the next publishing door?!
I bought myself some chic satin shortie pyjamas yesterday so I could run a bath in my roll-top then sashay around my herringbone floors like I was in a flake advert. I didn't like how they looked, so I ate steak & chips in my trusty pink fleece ones & watched Dope Girls on Iplayer ;)
Love. This.
PJ party?
Brilliant, Donna! Sashay in the fleecy ones instead, I say. And oh, steak n chips (THEN a Flake!)
Yes!