My other mothers were my sisters and I do think about them all the time! They are much older than me, were built in babysitters, and gave me the space to be myself because we had immigrant parents we had trouble connecting with.
I’m sorry about your daughter’s friend moving so far. It’s so hard to see our children go through real life emotions that we know are necessary in life to build grit but it still isn’t easy to watch.
To have older sisters who fulfilled that role for you must have been so special. Sometimes a bigger age gap insulates against sibling rivalry or the kind of everyday conflict that can arise if they're closer in age. I'd love to hear more about your experience of your parents growing up. And as for children, I really resonated with what Eckhart Tolle said about parenthood. We must not try to stop our children from suffering, but can only stand by and support them when they do.
Yes! The hardest part about parenting sometimes is holding back and telling my kids that they are fine. Sometimes they are not fine! It’s ok they are hurting. And they need to feel it.
You write so beautifully, I was totally drawn into the story about your daughter and her friend. I've always felt as though I don't have much in common with the other mums at the school gate, always a bit of an outsider. But thinking about 'other mums' I can definitely relate to a few who really helped me, especially when my boys were small and who were there for me, myself when I was younger. Thanks for such a thought-provoking Sunday read.
Thank you, Louise. That's so kind of you. Yes, the school gate can be such a fraught space! I luckily found my tribe with my elder daughter's year but spent the first five years of parenthood floundering. The fellow parents I came to hang around with were very nice, but nevertheless I felt I didn't quite fit in with them and in other circumstances we might never have crossed paths... A bit like colleagues, perhaps? There have been a couple of exceptions but in the main, I don't see any of those people any more. It's hard if you're not having children at the same time as your 'before' friends, too?
A lovely article. For what it's worth, I think you have a right to feel the loss! Seeing as A was folded in, as you say, then it's totally valid. I also really understand your anxiety about loss of routine and rythem, maybe you find a new one for the next 7 weeks?
This is such a beautiful piece, Lindsay. And I'd like to thank you, as someone who had neither mothering nor other-mothering after my mum died when I was a kid, for providing such a beautiful space and experience not just for your own children, but for the others who come into your lives. Your openness and compassion and your willingness to hold space for other people's feelings and experiences are inspirational. x
Ooh - my other mothers - what an interesting perspective! My best friend moved away when I was seven years old - to Ireland - and I can still remember the pain of it. I was utterly heartbroken. We wrote to each other, her letters covered in scribbles of ‘I love Bono’ and ‘U2’ when I didn’t have a clue who they were. I took a flight to see her as an unaccompanied minor when I was twelve, and stayed in the village post office that they had moved to, but then we became teens, and it all fizzled out. Just a couple of years ago when I was in that part of Ireland I went back to that village post office to see if she was still there, but they had long moved. It would be great to find her again. As for the other mothers? I’ve never really considered how they feel when a friendship moves on. I think of the girls that have become extensions of my own family, but sometimes they come and sometimes they go. Some of them are forgettable and some of them are etched in my heart. They are all shades of separations we have no control of. Losses to process and grieve in the tapestry of life. You have left me with much to reflect upon. Thank you 🙏💕
My other mothers were my sisters and I do think about them all the time! They are much older than me, were built in babysitters, and gave me the space to be myself because we had immigrant parents we had trouble connecting with.
I’m sorry about your daughter’s friend moving so far. It’s so hard to see our children go through real life emotions that we know are necessary in life to build grit but it still isn’t easy to watch.
To have older sisters who fulfilled that role for you must have been so special. Sometimes a bigger age gap insulates against sibling rivalry or the kind of everyday conflict that can arise if they're closer in age. I'd love to hear more about your experience of your parents growing up. And as for children, I really resonated with what Eckhart Tolle said about parenthood. We must not try to stop our children from suffering, but can only stand by and support them when they do.
Yes! The hardest part about parenting sometimes is holding back and telling my kids that they are fine. Sometimes they are not fine! It’s ok they are hurting. And they need to feel it.
You write so beautifully, I was totally drawn into the story about your daughter and her friend. I've always felt as though I don't have much in common with the other mums at the school gate, always a bit of an outsider. But thinking about 'other mums' I can definitely relate to a few who really helped me, especially when my boys were small and who were there for me, myself when I was younger. Thanks for such a thought-provoking Sunday read.
Thank you, Louise. That's so kind of you. Yes, the school gate can be such a fraught space! I luckily found my tribe with my elder daughter's year but spent the first five years of parenthood floundering. The fellow parents I came to hang around with were very nice, but nevertheless I felt I didn't quite fit in with them and in other circumstances we might never have crossed paths... A bit like colleagues, perhaps? There have been a couple of exceptions but in the main, I don't see any of those people any more. It's hard if you're not having children at the same time as your 'before' friends, too?
A lovely article. For what it's worth, I think you have a right to feel the loss! Seeing as A was folded in, as you say, then it's totally valid. I also really understand your anxiety about loss of routine and rythem, maybe you find a new one for the next 7 weeks?
This is such a beautiful piece, Lindsay. And I'd like to thank you, as someone who had neither mothering nor other-mothering after my mum died when I was a kid, for providing such a beautiful space and experience not just for your own children, but for the others who come into your lives. Your openness and compassion and your willingness to hold space for other people's feelings and experiences are inspirational. x
Ooh - my other mothers - what an interesting perspective! My best friend moved away when I was seven years old - to Ireland - and I can still remember the pain of it. I was utterly heartbroken. We wrote to each other, her letters covered in scribbles of ‘I love Bono’ and ‘U2’ when I didn’t have a clue who they were. I took a flight to see her as an unaccompanied minor when I was twelve, and stayed in the village post office that they had moved to, but then we became teens, and it all fizzled out. Just a couple of years ago when I was in that part of Ireland I went back to that village post office to see if she was still there, but they had long moved. It would be great to find her again. As for the other mothers? I’ve never really considered how they feel when a friendship moves on. I think of the girls that have become extensions of my own family, but sometimes they come and sometimes they go. Some of them are forgettable and some of them are etched in my heart. They are all shades of separations we have no control of. Losses to process and grieve in the tapestry of life. You have left me with much to reflect upon. Thank you 🙏💕